Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
