Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
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You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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