someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
