life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
