Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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