If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
