Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
