I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
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you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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