I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
