are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
