Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
