He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We are all done wearing pants today
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
