it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize