Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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