I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
