meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
