she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
