Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
