i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
