Its about making memories worth repressing
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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