brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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