I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
