life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
