I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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