it was like his penis was on wheels.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
