I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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