She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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