Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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