Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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