at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
