Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
