I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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