I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
