I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
please come you make the beer taste better
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
