I want to stick my p in your. b.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
