allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Randomize
