if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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