if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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