there's paper in my vomit.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
