Rock
Scissors
Fuck
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
