Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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