I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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