Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
