i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
