My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
