Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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