Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
