I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
