none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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