This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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