I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
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Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
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Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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