Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
