Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
