Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
