The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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