i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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