Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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