Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
