I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
