Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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