Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
