after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
MIDGETS
????
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
