Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
