quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
