He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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