You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
