you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
