dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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