I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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