think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
