we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
