Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
