Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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