You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
