so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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