Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Oh god it's open bar.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
