Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
