Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize