I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
