Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
