They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
