I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dear god my vagina.
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