she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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