Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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